A husband advising his wife to draw closer to his mother and bear her insults

Q: I am Egyptian and I currently live in Riyadh while my wife and children reside in Egypt. Though my wife is not beautiful, I am more concerned with the beauty of her character. My wife, all praise be to Allah Alone, guards my honor in my absence, looks after my children, urges them to pray and memorize Qur'an, teaches them to do the Halal (lawful) things and to avoid the Haram (prohibited). Moreover, my wife always encourages me to provide for my family. All praise be to Allah Alone, I fulfilled my duty perfectly towards my siblings and they all have become university graduates. My youngest brother is an engineer and he got married one week ago. My father (may Allah be merciful to him) would frequently make Du`a' (supplication) for me to the extent that my mother would ask him to make Du`a' for my siblings as he would for me. (Part No. 25; Page No. 204) My father would make much Du`a' for me because I was sincere to him and all the family members to the extent that I would give priority to their needs over my children. I still provide for my mother and send to her a monthly allowance, clothes, etc. Allah (Exalted be He) helped me to buy farm land which I gave to my mother and sisters to live off its revenue as I believe that it is Wajib (obligatory) on me to provide their maintenance.The problem is that my mother, may Allah guide her, always criticizes my wife for her physical weakness and not being beautiful. She ridicules the illness of my mother-in-law, though the latter is my mother's sister as I am married to my cousin. Moreover, my mother also criticizes my wife for her father's poverty and mentions that he did not use to have a house and that he would be driven out from one house to another, though my father-in-law is a righteous person and Allah has blessed him with a house in an excellent location that costs about one hundred and fifty thousand pound. One of his children is a university graduate and works as an Imam (the one who leads congregational Prayer) and Khatib (preacher) while the rest of his children are in different stages of study. My father (may Allah be merciful to him) would not be pleased with such behavior from my mother. He would have forbidden her to say bad things about my wife and her family and would console my wife; however, he passed away a year ago. Now I live abroad in order to earn a living and provide for my children and my mother that Allah may bless me with educating my children as I educated my siblings. Sadly, my mother humiliates my wife. She shouts at her in front of our neighbors. She once even took off her shoe to beat my wife with in front of the neighbors and my children. My wife complained to my paternal uncle, but he could not do any thing; I have only one maternal uncle and he cannot control his sister who does not listen to anybody. Regrettably, my children hate my mother because of what she does to their mother. When I try to tell them good things about my mother they say, "She (Part No. 25; Page No. 205) did so and so against our mother and she does not show us any kindness." My mother always ill-treats my children. O honorable sheikh, please advise me and tell me what do I have to do to avoid displeasing my mother and thus losing out in this life and the Hereafter? Similarly, what should I do in order not to lose my wife whom I know being wronged? May Allah reward you with the best.

A: If the case is exactly as you have mentioned in the question, you have firstly to advise your wife to show love and kindness to your mother, to try to please and serve her, and to endure with patience your mother's offenses. You must tell your wife that when she does these things, you become more pleased with her and you love her more. Then you have to send mediators to advise your wife with the same. Such mediators have to remind your mother that she has to keep the limits of Allah, and tell her that what she does against her daughter-in-law is something Haram that may subject her to Allah's displeasure and punishment in this world and in the Hereafter.Mediators may tell your mother that your wife praises her, mentions good things about her, and acknowledges her status. They may tell her that rebuking your wife for her physical weakness and not being beautiful and ridiculing her mother and father are Haram practices which if she persists in doing so Allah may punish her with the same in this world and in the hereafter. They may also tell her that things she rebuke them for relate to the Predestination of Allah that they have no power to change and that instead of mocking them, she has to praise Allah for not afflicting her with the same and for the good health and abundant blessings He (Glorified be He) bestows upon her. Moreover, she has to make Du`a' that Allah cures them. In addition, you may politely advise your mother in private (Part No. 25; Page No. 206) and pave the way for this by magnifying her rights and doing your best to be dutiful to her and try to please and make her happy. Above all, you have to make Du`a' that Allah (Exalted be He) makes peace between your mother and your wife. Finally, you must be patient seeking the reward of Allah and waiting for His relief (Exalted be He).May Allah grant us success. May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet Muhammad, his family, and Companions.